I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
