Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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