The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
