Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
