If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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