The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
