No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
