I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
