she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
