she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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