I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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