i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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