I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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