with your own penis?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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