Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
