how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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