If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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