omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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