did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
