i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
