Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
