Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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