There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
