I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
