I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
