I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
