I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i think my cat just said my name.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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