I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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