The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
