As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
