Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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