guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
