I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
