I love having hate sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
