I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
