She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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