i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
