a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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