Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
