4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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