i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
