I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
