Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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