Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
