My first STD was from a foam party
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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