i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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