haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
