If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
