I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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