I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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