there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
