I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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