we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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