I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need a shit load of segways right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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