i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
