if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize