if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
