if you like me you must not know who I am
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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