I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
