I am spending my child support on dildos
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
