i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
