you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
