Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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