there's paper in my vomit.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
