Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved