Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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