my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
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Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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