Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

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(817): View more from Texas

why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

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(817): View more from Texas

well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

You better have your party panties on Saturday!

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Why only Saturday?

(205): View more from Alabama

Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.

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(315): View more from New York

at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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(865): View more from Tennessee

What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?

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(520): View more from Arizona

Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.

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