You just made me feel so damn special
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.