It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
found the other keg... it's in the tree
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
