she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
