I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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