Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
