oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
