you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
