May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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