I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
