Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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