i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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