i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
home. puking in laundry basket.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
