But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
