SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
