I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
