We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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