i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I will pee on everything he values.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
