umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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