Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
