they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
