O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
