His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There r osticjed everywhere
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
