If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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