This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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